Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Long Hard Road!

When I decided to take this journey to lose weight and take better care of myself, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I've been going through some "major pains" and it's taking everything within me to not run across the Mojave Desert screaming!!!!  Although, running in the desert could probably get off more weight!

My ultimate weight goal is between 135 - 145 pounds.  My goal for this 40th birth year is to lose 100lbs.  I need to be 240lbs by October 28th.  Right now, I'm 260lbs.  I'm 80lbs down and have 20 more to go!  I'm not saying that's not a huge accomplishment since the end of November, but I honestly thought that I would have surpassed that 100 pound goal by this time.

I have been working out 6 days a week, sometimes, twice a day since March (before that, I was working out about 3-4 days a week).  I have not eaten sugar since October 2010.  Carbs, only a few a couple of times a month.  Now, I will admit that during some social gatherings, I will have wine.  Wine is sugar and I know it can interfere with my metabolism, so I've only had it a few times. I'm not really missing junk food, however, I am missing carbs!  This may sound a little crazy, but in order to help me through my food cravings, I watch the Food Network.  One show in particular, "Diners, Drive-ins & Dives".  Watching Guy Fieri eat the mashed potatoes, sandwiches, pasta, mexican, macaroni & cheese, desserts, etc. really helps me - I don't know, but it does!

When I get on the scale, I expect to see a number that is going to make me smile, not get even more frustrated!  Normally, I don't advise people to really watch the scale, but to feel it in their clothes or measure themselves in inches.  I do watch the scale because I want these pre-diabetic symptoms to go AWAY for good!  I know that I'm supposed to decrease my weight by a certain percentage in order for these symptoms to release themselves from me.  It frustrates me beyond belief when I know that I'm working hard, eating clean and staying focused, but the scale still won't move in the right direction!  I'm stressed, frustrated and angry that I'm not where I want or need to be at this moment!  And, if I don't like what's going on with me right now, how's a man going to like what's going on with me?!  I've got to get a grip! 

I guess I'm trying to HOLD ON to the thought of where I want to be as far as my weight is concerned, how I'd like to feel, what I'd like to wear and be able to do some of the things that I really want to do!  I've got to re-group and focus on what's really important.  Stress gets me nowhere - it only makes my stomach bigger (from my cortisol levels) and keeps the weight on.  Meditation is going to have to be a primary part of my daily regimen.

Working on my weight is not just working on my weight.  It's working on my mental and emotional levels as well.  The journey is just that - a journey.  I'm not going to lie - I'll be SO happy when I reach my weight goals! 

I'm going to the gym...

1 comment:

  1. Just found your blog. You are very courageous not only to undertake this "journey" of yours but to put it out there for all to see. There's lots of detail about how you're achieving the weight loss (congrats on that by the way!) but not so much about how you're making the mental and emotional changes. I thought I'd read things about you learning about yourself (discovering why you're the 40-year-old virgin, as you said). How are you accomplishing those goals???