The Answer I Need to Reveal!

Thank you to the anonymous person who asked me a very important question about my journey.  I should be a little more detailed about every aspect. 

When dealing with my mental and emotional issues, I have to be patient with myself.  I know that being stressed about situations (such as the scale not moving when I need it to, financial issues - if they come up or craving the company of a man) I can't go running to the refrigerator.  I handle my challenges in a way that I never have before.  I actually DO something!  I've actually become one of those people who use exercise to relieve stress - but not just any exercise.  I box!  I LOVE boxing!  And I'm such a girlie girl so it's really hard for my family to comprehend that Crissy boxes!  It's something about putting those gloves on a getting in front of a bag and relieving my stress onto this bag!  I punch, kick and sometimes scream depending on the force I use.

I also journal.  I try to write several times a week about what's going on in my head.  Most of the things I write about gets to be repetitive because I'm so focused on getting this weight off!  I write a lot about what I'd like to be doing, what I will be doing, how I'm handling my physical hurts, finding the courage to continue on and knowing that all of this is going to pay off!  I also try to meditate.  This also may sound a little crazy, but to get my mind off of getting something to eat, I watch the Food Network!  It actually calms my cravings! 

I am a virgin by choice.  I used to think that no man wanted to be with me - no relationship, nothing.  I thought they just wanted to be my friend (I used to always hear the saying that men and women can't be friends w/out benefits - Huh! Call me!  I can vouch!!!)!  I now understand that it wasn't about them not asking me out or wanting to be with me, it was about me and me not appreciating my body and who I am as an individual.  I hated my big behind, fat ankles and big droopy breasts.  I thought if I didn't like all of that, what man would?!  Now, I appreciate EVERY part of my body - fat ankles and all (they are disappearing though - Lol!)  I am loving me now and I know that I need to treat myself like I love me.  When the right man comes my way, he may have to carry a sign to flash in front of my face that he's interested, but at least I'll know how I want, need and deserved to be treated! 

I realize that God has blessed me with the strength to take better care of myself!  I was given a warning with the diagnoses of my pre-diabetes.  It was a MAJOR wake-up call.  I said that I refuse to live on this earth taking tons of pills or shots for the rest of my life when I know that I can do something about it!  I AM PHYSICALLY CAPABLE!!!!  Now, it's not my pre-diabetes anymore, it's going outta here!  I want nothing to do with it!  I also realize that I can do my two loves now - be in front of the camera and speak to those all over the globe about loving yourself more, appreciating what you have and keeping a very strong heart and body which will help you keep a very strong and healthy mind!  It really is important for your own sake.

I hope I was able to answer your question Anonymous.  I'll continue to share my ups and downs, highs and lows on this blog.  I appreciate you and thank you for your support!

The Long Hard Road!

When I decided to take this journey to lose weight and take better care of myself, I knew it wasn't going to be easy.  I've been going through some "major pains" and it's taking everything within me to not run across the Mojave Desert screaming!!!!  Although, running in the desert could probably get off more weight!

My ultimate weight goal is between 135 - 145 pounds.  My goal for this 40th birth year is to lose 100lbs.  I need to be 240lbs by October 28th.  Right now, I'm 260lbs.  I'm 80lbs down and have 20 more to go!  I'm not saying that's not a huge accomplishment since the end of November, but I honestly thought that I would have surpassed that 100 pound goal by this time.

I have been working out 6 days a week, sometimes, twice a day since March (before that, I was working out about 3-4 days a week).  I have not eaten sugar since October 2010.  Carbs, only a few a couple of times a month.  Now, I will admit that during some social gatherings, I will have wine.  Wine is sugar and I know it can interfere with my metabolism, so I've only had it a few times. I'm not really missing junk food, however, I am missing carbs!  This may sound a little crazy, but in order to help me through my food cravings, I watch the Food Network.  One show in particular, "Diners, Drive-ins & Dives".  Watching Guy Fieri eat the mashed potatoes, sandwiches, pasta, mexican, macaroni & cheese, desserts, etc. really helps me - I don't know, but it does!

When I get on the scale, I expect to see a number that is going to make me smile, not get even more frustrated!  Normally, I don't advise people to really watch the scale, but to feel it in their clothes or measure themselves in inches.  I do watch the scale because I want these pre-diabetic symptoms to go AWAY for good!  I know that I'm supposed to decrease my weight by a certain percentage in order for these symptoms to release themselves from me.  It frustrates me beyond belief when I know that I'm working hard, eating clean and staying focused, but the scale still won't move in the right direction!  I'm stressed, frustrated and angry that I'm not where I want or need to be at this moment!  And, if I don't like what's going on with me right now, how's a man going to like what's going on with me?!  I've got to get a grip! 

I guess I'm trying to HOLD ON to the thought of where I want to be as far as my weight is concerned, how I'd like to feel, what I'd like to wear and be able to do some of the things that I really want to do!  I've got to re-group and focus on what's really important.  Stress gets me nowhere - it only makes my stomach bigger (from my cortisol levels) and keeps the weight on.  Meditation is going to have to be a primary part of my daily regimen.

Working on my weight is not just working on my weight.  It's working on my mental and emotional levels as well.  The journey is just that - a journey.  I'm not going to lie - I'll be SO happy when I reach my weight goals! 

I'm going to the gym...

Keep Moving!

It's been a very long journey and it's not over yet!  I have to admit that I can't wait until I've reached that 100 pound mark!  I've lost 80 pounds to date and have 20 more to go by October 28th!  I'm eager to move forward in life, enjoying the benefits of being healthier, thinner and physically fit!  Let's all continue to motivate each other! 

Incredible Show Today!

Today's radio show was awesome!  I had five of the most amazing women on sharing their stories about weight loss - their trials, tribulations and triumphs!  I must say, I truly admire these women!  Please listen to these amazing stories!!!!  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drandrea/2011/07/27/fit-sexy-empowered-for-life-wdr-andrea-crystal-smith.

Our conversation is not done!  I am going to have these women back on the show next week, so definitely tune in! 

Losing weight is an obstacle.  I should've listened to my Mom growing up.  I wouldn't be in this battle, but I'm here and definitely learning a lesson!  As an adult, I'm learning so much about food, our bodies and how food affects it, exercise and the kinds of exercise that are actually going to enhance the weight loss and how to cope with the mental and emotional aspects of the challenging part of life!

Keep moving and getting strong mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually!  Eventually, the weight will release itself from you - for good!!!

No Fear

I've been confronted with some mental and emotional issues during this weight loss journey.  Before I share, I'm so proud to say that I'm now down 75lbs - weight now at 260!

This has been a very long and emotional road.  As you know, it was a fear issue that got me really serious about losing weight.  When I found out back in October that I was pre-diabetic, I was scared!  I knew that I had to get this weight off of my body and stop playing with the fact of doing a "wanna be" weight loss regimen.  The goal was to reverse these diabetic symptoms and stay healthy for life!  I've noticed that even with 75lbs off of my body, I still get symptoms every once in awhile.  I don't want to come to any conclusions until I see my doctor, but I know that I'm fighting hard every single day to do the right thing for my health for once in my life!

Now is not the time to get scared.  Now is the time to get my thoughts together, stay positive, continue to eat right, exercise and stay on my journey for life!  I know that these symptoms will reverse.  I know that I'm getting healthier and stronger every day!  I'm determined!  Yes, I will get my blood tested to make sure my blood sugar levels are okay, but I know that I have to take care of my health!  No one else lives in this body besides me and my maker.

Do me a favor?  Stay healthy!  Do what you know you need to do in life to keep your body strong.  It will not only help you physically, but it will help you mentally, spiritually and emotionally.  It is a blessing!  And what more can you ask for than to be strong and healthy so you too can be a blessing to others!

Loving You? No, Loving Me!

Now that I'm losing all of this weight (which by the way, I'm down 70lbs now - yeah!), I'm not only looking at my physical body, noticing all of the changes, but I'm also digging deep into my mental and emotional issues as well.

I'm feeling more confident about myself.  I don't have to grab my shirt and pull it down in the back every five minutes to try to hide the hump that usually clings to my shirt and reveals more to the world than I wish.  When I go to the gym, I wear form fitting workout gear now.  No more baggy shirts!  I want to see my body!  Now, I'm not a size 6, but I am the smallest I've been since I was 20-years-old.  To date, I am 265lbs!  I have 30lbs left to achieve my goal of 100lbs lost by my 41st birthday!  I WILL get there and then some!  My final weight goal I'd like to be between 135-150lbs.

I went to Lane Bryant this weekend looking for an outfit for an event I have to go to this week and usually, my shirts are 22-24.  I grabbed a 18-20 and a 14-16 (just to see how far away I am from wearing this size).  The 14-16 top was actually baggy on me!!!  It's a stretchy material, but WHO CARES - IT FITS GREAT!  My pants (both jeans and dress pants), I usually wear a 26-28.  I can proudly say that I'm now comfortably wearing a size 20!  I am focused and will continue this weight release!

As far as my mental and emotional levels of comfort, let me just say, I was tested a few weeks ago.  I know I told you that I have only loved two men in my life besides my Dad.  Both of these men I've known for years.  Well, one of my best girlfriends was in town a few weeks ago and we met up for lunch.  She hadn't seen me since I started my journey and was extremely surprised and happy to see my accomplishments.  Where we met for lunch was an area that I stayed away from for several years because it was an area that I used to frequent with this man that I cared so much about (talk about fear).  My friendship with this man was pretty good in the beginning.  He was my first true love and trust me, he meant so much to me that he could've got all my goodies!  It was almost like I was back in high school once again.  Remember those feelings of excitement, butterflies in the stomach, wondering if he's thinking about you all day like you were thinking about him, well, that was me.  The only problem with that was, it was only me.  He didn't feel the same way I did.  He was even honest and told me that he just wanted to be friends, but I would listen to my heart and then some of our friends would co-sign on what my heart was telling me, so I fell right in.  Needless to say, it didn't turn out the way I wanted.

During lunch with my girlfriend, I just didn't feel comfortable.  I was thinking what would happen if I saw him again?  When I was at home or at the gym, I was cool because I wasn't anywhere near him.  I would say to myself that I probably wouldn't see him again, but if I did, I'd be okay.  What?!  What do you mean that you thought you'd be okay?  How could a human being have such a hold on another human being's heart?!  It's a lot deeper than that.  I had to realize that no one has a hold on you unless YOU allow it!  Crystal, you are stronger and better than that!  You've come a LONG way and no matter who it is that has affected you in the past or will become a part of your future, understand that they need to be happy that they are with you!  Sure, don't let the ego get the best of you, but you love you and you are blessed, so rock it!

Any way, while my girlfriend and I were in this area, guess who I bumped into after 6 years?  You guessed it! After the hot flash past me by, it turned out to be a very good reunion!  He definitely noticed the weight loss and breast reduction (LOL)!  Being around him made it feel like "the good" old times.  It was really nice seeing him again.  We hugged and it reminded me of that security I felt with him in the past, but I had to realize that it's just a friendly hug that I give to all of my friends and that I am secure within myself!  Time to move forward!  Now all is right in the world.

I speak and try hard to stay positive everyday.  I want my subconscious to know that I'm a beautiful strong individual that's conquering fears from my past and ready to conquer my career and continue to move forward in helping others strive to achieve their purpose in life!  It was good seeing the man that I loved for so long again.  I know that when God blesses me with the right man, I'll know!  He'll see me and accept me for who I am and so will I...

GOODBYE...

So much has been going on during this last month!  I'm happy to report that I've lost another 8 pounds, which is a total of 68 pounds gone!  I am well on my way to accomplishing my year goal of 100 pounds off my body for good!

This has also been a very eye opening, heart felt week.  My cousin past away last Monday.  She was only 32.  She weighed over 300 pounds, had Crohn's Disease and Diabetes.  What was crazy was that she was doing okay, so we thought.  Things were under control and she was working on losing her weight.  She was a beautiful young lady with an incredible smile!  She will definitely be missed by many...

Thinking about my cousin and all of her health complications really made me take this road to weight loss even more serious than I already am.  I've got this personal trainer who is dynamic in every way.  His name is Dewey Admiral Fanning, III.  Let me tell you, when I went to my first boxing class and I heard his name, Dewey, I thought, well, this will probably be a nice class that will allow me to sweat a little.  I knew that with a name like Dewey, he was probably going to be a cute little guy who loves to work out and will be a "Energizer Bunny"!  Well, when I heard the door slam and I turned around, I saw this 6'3" big intimidating looking man with the body that is shaped like those cartoons that we watched when I was growing up (the upside down triangle).  I started to panic and had every right to do so!  Dewey is crazy!  He lets you know just how crazy he is and will prove that at any given moment! 

There are rules when entering his class, like the military.  Once the door is closed, you don't leave, you don't drink your water until he tells you, you don't wipe you face with a towel until he tells you (what?!), if your shoe lace becomes loose, call him over and he will tie it for you, and most of all, you don't stop moving his entire class unless he tells you!!!  YOU HAVE LOST YOUR MIND!  AND I'VE LOST MY MIND FOR DOING IT!!!  After working out in his boxing class for the 1st time, I walked (barely) out of his class with my clothes soak and wet - ALL OF THEM - HAIR INCLUDED!!!  Now, I'm addicted.  Dewey is my personal coach as well as my trainer of all the classes I take 6 days a week.  If you're in the Maryland area and want to meet Dewey, stop by Brick Bodies in Reisterstown, Maryland!  Trust me, if you have weight you need to get off or just want to look great by summer, he will get you there!!!

I'm really pushing the envelope now.  I'm encouraged and determined more than ever to get this weight off of my body and keep it off for good!  This is not just about the physical weight, it's also about the mental and emotional weight that I've been carrying for years!  It's all coming off and I'm more excited than ever to say, GOODBYE!!!! 

Conquer & Move Forward!

I'm making moves and I need your support!  Dr. Andrea Pennington is one of the best doctors on the planet!  She's also a very dear friend and colleague of mine.  She's helping me get this weight off and keep it off for good!  She just announced today on her radio show (Empowered for Life) that I'm her new co-host! 

If you can, please tune in to our show and follow us!  We get outstanding guests, give great health advice and motivate along the way!  It's time to conquer our fears!  It's time to say goodbye to unhealthy fat around our hearts and on our bodies!  It's time to find great activities to do around town!  It's time to meet new people!  It's time to shine!

Crystal Smith

Hey Beautiful People!

I've just been named new co-host on Dr. Andrea Pennington's radio show (on BlogTalkRadio)! Please support us! Tell all of your friends to listen and follow us! WEDNESDAYS @ 12NOON EST! or you can always listen to the archived tapes! EVERYTHING IS ONLINE!

EMPOWERED FOR LIFE Health relationships and Loving Yourself

www.blogtalkradio.com

This program is rated CLEAN and is suitable for all audiences. On this weekly live call-in show anti-aging medical doctor acupuncturist and empowerment coa Apr 20

Keep Pushing!

Hey Beautiful People!  It's been a minute since we've talked.  I've been working out extremely hard! 

I've made some strides in my workouts that I thought I'd never be able to do.  I'm boxing now twice a week.  I have this boxing trainer that is "off the hook"!  When you enter his class, he shuts the door.  You are not allowed to leave until the class is over.  You can't drink water, wipe your face off with your towel or even tie your shoes unless he tells you.  But, the most important part of this class, you can't stop moving!  We're in class for about an hour to and hour and a half!  Keep moving or else the entire class has to pay with some form of exercise!  Lately, it's been jump-n-jacks in sets of 25.  They increase as you mess up!  Crazy!  But, I'm so in love with this class!

I'm also still doing my bootcamp twice a week and trust me when I say, I'm pushing hard to get as great as the rest of my team in the class!  One full hour of non-stop cardio!  It is truly a calorie burning session that makes you ponder on your life choices once your done!  Ha!  Both classes do that for me!  I know that I've NEVER worked this hard in my life and guess what?  I'm loving every minute of this!  I'm on a workout high and I don't ever want to come down!

This is a short one today, but when you get a chance, I need your support by listening to me on Dr. Andrea's radio show on BlogTalkRadio.  She has two incredible shows on there - one on Friday nights 11pmEST called, "SEX eFAQ" shttp://www.blogtalkradio.com/sexefaqs.  It's a show all about healthy great sex.  She's also a health sex doctor and it's a great informational program.  The other which I've been guest co-hosting for the past several weeks called, "Empowered for Life".  Here we talk about health, weight and life.  Here is the link to our latest show:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/drandrea/2011/04/13/weight-success-tele-seminar-part-4-charting-your-progress.  Please show your support. 

I'm going to keep doing what I do best right now and that's to get this weight off, bring my blood sugar down and get back into my career!  I miss being in front of the camera!  And guess what?  I'm not that afraid to shine anymore!  No more being self-conscious! 

I know that I will be able to help so many people out here that may be going through some of the same issues.  It's a life long journey - losing weight and staying healthy, but I'm in it for the long haul.  Let's do this together!

Time To Let Go

When I was twenty-six, I was working for a very well known TV station.  I loved being there.  But, it was also a very stressful time in my life.  I was dealing with my highest weight, not dating and even though I loved working at the TV station, I wasn't in the department where I really wanted to be so, I was miserable.  This was also the year where a TWA flight crashed and I had to be the one in my department to log footage of the crash and bodies that were found.

I had some time off, so my sister and I decided to take a trip to Colorado to visit some family.  Well, once we got on the plane and was about 30,000 feet in the air, I began to get this tingling feeling at the top of my head.  It began moving throughout my body and it felt like someone was choking me, so my breathing was a little funny.  I unbuckled my seat belt and got up from my chair.  My sister asked me where was I going and I was just as honest as I could be.  I told her I was getting off the plane.  Without really paying any attention to me, she first said "okay", but then realized what I said, so she asked me again and I told her again, calmly, "I'm getting off of this plane".  Now, this was the time where the seat belt sign was still on, so the flight attendant came over to me and asked me to be seated.  I told her, "no" and began walking toward the exit door.  She asked me what I was doing and I told her that I needed to get off the plane - I couldn't breathe!  Well, when the other flight attendants came over, my sister was in shock because if she could've snatched me up and threw me back in my seat like my mom would have back in the day, she would have done just that!  The flight attendants were trying to calm me down and they finally were able to get me back to my seat, gave me a little oxygen, peanuts and wine to shut me up!

When we landed in Denver, I went to the emergency room and after the doctors checked me out, they came back to tell me that nothing was wrong with me.  What?!  They told me that I was fine, but that when I got back home, I might want to go speak with a therapist.  There was a possibility that I was having a panic attack!  You done lost your mind!  I told them that they were the ones that lost their minds, not me.  Come to find out that I had so much on my mind that I had been holding in, that my body needed to release that stress in some way.  Damn, couldn't I have just had a cocktail or sex or something!  I had to take my big behind on a plane and kirk out if front of strangers!  Needless to say, I'm fine now, but back then, who knew!

I was one to always hold things in.  I hated any type of confrontation, so I kept any thoughts that I wanted to say to others to myself.  Not a good look.  If fact, growing up, in order to make friends, I would buy them little gifts (candy, cards, etc).  I didn't know that holding in my thoughts and not standing up for myself caused so much trauma in my psychological or emotional life.  Holding in my thoughts about people also meant holding in my fears, holding in my dreams.  I didn't know this then, but I was apparently crying out desperately for attention.

When I was in my early 30's, thought I was "in love" with this man.  I catered to him and no matter what, was always there for him.  He was, at the time, everything I thought I wanted.  At first, it was a business relationship until one day, he told me that he wanted more from me.  I was very good with helping others with their relationship problems, but when it came to me, honey, I was very naive.  I didn't know that this man just wanted to "befriend" me to get to the next level of his career.  He knew that I was a virgin and he respected that.  But, I'm going to tell you, if I would've thought more with my heart instead of my mind, I would've lost my virginity to this one man!  I thought the sun rose and set around him.  Anything he needed, he didn't even have to blink.  I had it for him.  He became my world and of course, he knew that.  Needless to say, I found out the hard way that he wasn't interested in me.  I cried.  I cried so hard that it reminded me of one of my favorite movies, "Something's Gotta Give" with Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton.  I cried in the shower, at my desk, waking up, going to sleep.  I can't tell you how many boxes of tissues I went through!  Oh well, I'll have to tell you more about him one day...

Once I started on this journey, I realized that some of the things that I've been holding on to, I've got to let go.  I can't blame others for things that have happened to me in the past.  I've got to take responsibility, forgive, let go and move on.  What good is it to hold on to past indiscretions?  They are just fears that need to be released from my life so that I can move forward to the positive beautiful life that stands before me.  It's not healthy to hold on to negative things.  They build up in your body and can cause major health issues.  Let it go!

Today, when I have things I need to get off my chest, trust me, I do speak up (logically), but when I'm angry, I exercise or take it out on the punching bag in my extreme boxing class.  I'm ready to accept great things in my life.  I'm ready to accept great health, a great career, helping others in their lives and possibly being blessed with a great man.  I'm not perfect.  No one on  this earth is.  I know that I am working on me during this journey and there are still some things or issues that I must confront and deal with.  Regardless, I know the most important thing that I must do in this lifetime, is to let it go!  Let things, issues, people, work related issues, family or friends that are negative all go.  And I say the same to you my beautiful friends - LET IT GO!  

 

Gotta Get Back in the Game!

I've had the stomach flu for the past four days!  I've been miserable!  Don't ask me where I got this from - I have no clue.  I just want it gone. 

Actually, I'm getting better today.  I haven't worked out in five days and I feel it.  I've lost 7 pounds during this illness.  So, I'm down to 276lbs.  Sounds great, but I want to make sure that I keep it off! 

Do you get scared about eating after you've been sick for a minute?  You lose all this weight while being sick and then when you're feeling better, you begin to eat and the scale becomes your enemy once again!  I need to think logically about anything I put in my mouth.  I'm good with the foods that I eat, but sometimes, I get a little more hungry than my regular eating patterns and want to have a little extra of "healthy food".  Just cause it's good for you, doesn't mean the scale is going to agree.  It's important to watch portions!!!  That was my major problem at the beginning of this process.  I could eat all the right foods like dark green leafy salads, vegetables, fruits, fish, eggs, etc, but sometimes, I would eat too much of it.  Like popcorn, I LOVE homemade popcorn made with extra virgin olive oil and sea salt.  Sounds great?!  It is.  But, I would try to find the biggest bowl to put that popcorn in and sit in my favorite chair watching some of my favorite movies.  Not a good look when I get on the scale the next day and see that I've gained because I had a popcorn attack.  Too much sea salt isn't good for me either - oh, the bloat of it all!

I also can't wait to get back to bootcamp!  It's been several days and I actually miss getting yelled at and sweating my hair out!  What can I say, I'm falling in love with working out!  I can't believe I'm actually saying that!  The girl who HATES to sweat!

This is a short a sweet one today.  I know I'm going to feel better tomorrow...

My Humpty Hump is Gone!

When I started gaining my weight, I never really paid attention to it.  I don’t know how, but it seems like one day, I was thin, energetic and happy and the next day I was over three hundred pounds, fat, and miserable and asking the question, “how did I get this way”?  I don’t know.  But, one thing that literally grew on me besides my weight was this hump on my booty!  I HATED it!  No matter what I did, the hump stayed there.  It never moved.  In fact, my mother jokingly called the hump and my booty “shelter from the storm!”

While being on this journey with Dr. Andrea, I think I told you that I didn’t want to stay in the states to complete this amazing adventure.  I wanted to travel to different countries and I’m doing that.  For the New Year, I had the opportunity to travel to France to work on me.  Discover different parts of the world, learn more about me and work on my physical attributes.  In France, I was able to visit Nice, Monaco and St. John Cap Ferrat.  First, let me tell you, as a single woman, Monaco is calling my name to have a 2^nd home.  That place is absolutely incredible!  Dr. Andrea, Dr. Mike Dow and I practically walked that entire little city and every aching step of a 300 pound woman appreciated every minute of that walk!  It was gorgeous.  The architecture, the food, the scenery, the dwelling of Princess Grace, the church where she was married and buried was breath taking.  Every adventure we embarked upon, we walked.  The only time we traveled by car or train was to go to and from different cities.

In the midst of my travels, I never really focused on the fact that I was losing weight.  I say this because before my adventure to France, Dr. Andrea had me on a medical food plan called Medifast.  It’s an amazing weight loss food plan, not a diet.  If you’re interested in losing weight and learning how to eat better for life, this is a great beginning.  When I first left for France, there had been a really bad snow storm on the East Coast which made my flights a bit hectic.  I missed a connecting flight to Nice from New York, so I had to fly to Paris instead.  The airline misplaced my bags during the journey and in my bags was all of my Medifast food, so while I was in France the 1^st week, I had to go back to just eating regular healthy foods.  I thought all the weight that I lost previously with Medifast was going to slow down or come back.  But, what I began to notice is that with the walking all over France, I was continuing to lose weight.  In fact, when I stepped out of the shower, there was this gigantic mirror from floor to ceiling in the bathroom, so you couldn't miss ANYTHING.  I noticed that the hump, the “shelter from the storm” was diminishing very quickly!  Really!  I started dancing naked in the bathroom!   I couldn’t believe what I saw!  My hump was finally leaving me! 

It may not seem very symbolic to the average person, but to me and to all of those other women out there who may have humps on the booty, you know what I’m talking about!  Putting on a pair of “granny panties” that would fit your booty and your hump!  Trying on those jeans you’ve wanted to try on for so long and as you get them up on your booty, you start smiling thinking they’re going to fit, but then you struggle to get them up over the hump and realize that they really don’t fit.  Or, the worst, wearing a cute shirt and then having to bend over because you dropped something or have to tie your shoes and that shirt just flies up on your back and exposes the hump!  Ugh! 

For years, I would stand in the mirror dreaming about how I could go and get an ax and just chop the hump off of my booty.  Or, get one of those machines that we saw growing up in the 70’s in the television show, “The Three Stooges” where they could wrap a cloth rope around your back and press a button and you just stood there while the rope would shake your fat away!  Either way, the hump was leaving! 

Now, since I’ve been back in the states and working out with my trainer, Stephan Atkins, owner of True Definition Fitness, he’s had me jogging – me – jogging – for the 1^st time in 20 years!  When I look in the mirror now, guess what, the hump is GONE!!!!  YES!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I have long way to go.  The booty is still big, but at least I don’t have the hump to haunt me anymore!  Can I get a Amen?!!!!!

A Kiss

What makes a kiss from the one you’re in love with so special?  The first time that I ever kissed a man, was actually a boy named Johnny in the second grade.  I’ll never forget it because I was wearing my Wonder Woman Underoos that day!  My mom was a teacher at my school and the principal of the school was like a godmother to me, so people were extremely very protective of me and there wasn’t too much I could get in to because the adults were watching.  I had a few select friends, one of them being Johnny and we would always hang out in my mom’s classroom after school.  This particular day, my mom was asked to bring Johnny home because his mom wasn’t feeling too good and wasn’t able to pick him up that day.  Johnny lived near me, walking distance.  I remember us getting out of the car and my mom was walking ahead of us towards our house while Johnny and I were walking behind her.  Johnny quickly grabbed my hand, gave me a kiss on the cheek and ran home!  I stood there, frozen!  I couldn’t believe what just happened!  Part of me was smiling while the other part of me wanted to punch Johnny in the arm!  My mom had to snap me out of my cold spell and make me come in the house. 

We lived in an apartment on the 2^nd floor.  This particular evening, my Mom & Dad were packing so we could go to North Carolina.  While I was watching Sesame Street and playing with my favorite doll, Tara (you could make her hair short by twisting the knob in her back or pulling on her hair to make it long again – that just shows you how old I am) and there was a knock at the door.  It was Johnny.  He and I both collected Archie Comic Books and he had a new one for me.  As he was walking back down the steps to go back outside, I peeked around the door and called him.  When he looked back, I blew him a kiss and he blew one back!  I WAS SMILING!!!

But seriously, I love kissing.  I think kissing is probably one of the most intimate, beautiful, sexiest forms of affection.  A lot can be communicated with a kiss.  You don’t have to talk.  Just pucker up!  I would love to have a man that I really wanted to have that connection with pull me close, caress my face ever so gently, stare me in my eyes and lure me in slowly for that light, barely touching lips kiss.  Feeling his breath on mine and just keeping my eyes closed because the kiss is so good that I feel like I’m in another world.  Or, the kiss that happens when you’re in the midst of passion and you know you’re about to handle your business and he kinda pushes your back up against the wall while he’s pushing up on you and you pull him close.  The kiss is hot, steamy and all over the place!  Whew!  I need to stick my head in the freezer for the moment!    

The reason I say that I would love to have that connection with a man is because I’ve never had that connection with a man!  I mean, I’ve definitely kissed men before (not a lot – just a few), but it didn’t mean anything.  It was just a gesture.  They weren’t really into kissing me.  They just did it to get it over with.  As you can tell, I really didn’t appreciate myself back then or the choice of men that were in my life, but all of that has changed!  I would love to have a man that I am interested in to scoop me in and plant one on me or let me take the lead and go in for the lusciousness! 

A kiss means so much.  I’m ready for it.  I guess when it’s time, I hope to have this fantasy fulfilled.  I just have to have the right man to do it with! 

Crystal's Life Journey Intro - the 40 Year Old Virgin Goes On An Adventure!

A New Beginning

I was asked to start writing a blog as a part of my new journey.  This adventure that I’m about to take is huge!  I’m so excited!  I’m about to embark on an adventure that most people only dream about.

I met this doctor almost a year ago, named, Dr. Andrea Pennington.  She's an incredible doctor who specializes in several different types of medicinal needs – weight loss, diabetes, integrative natural healing and acupuncture.  I met her through a good friend of mine who also volunteers with me on the W.E.P. Sickle Cell Foundation. 

After about a couple of months, I realized that Dr. Pennington was not just a doctor, she was becoming one of my very cool girlfriends.  I became a client of hers and because our age is so close, we became great friends.  A strong bond through and through!  Andrea is a broadcast correspondent as well.  You've probably seen her on Oprah, Dr. Oz, The Today Show and she's had her own show on Discovery Health Channel!  We definitely have something in common with our love for television broadcasting, so we decided to come up with an idea that would allow both of us to do something we love.  We're going to do a television show that will help me with some of my goals and hopefully, inspire other people in the process. 

Dr. Pennington went to L.A. to handle some business in regards to her practice and while there, met another wonderful therapist, Dr. Mike Dow, which you may know from this show on TLC called, "Freaky Eaters".  Dr. Pennington told Dr. Mike about my story and what we were embarking on.  He loved the idea and realized they could both work together on this journey in my life and make things happen.  We’ve decided to collaborate and take me around the world to work on me – lose weight, study other cultures as to how they work on weight loss, appreciating their bodies, values of life, values of food, etc.  I’m also going to find out more about myself – my inner self. 

People I interact with think I really know about me and maybe I do, but I don’t know if I know if I really appreciate myself the way I think I need to.  Which brings me to something very major.  I am a 40-year-old virgin – for real!  No kidding!  I mean, I'm not virgin Mary by any means.  I've encountered men - meaning kissed and messed around a little, but I've never been in an "intimate" relationship!  No, I’m not gay, so that can leave the mind.  I just need to figure out why I was so afraid for such a long time to allow a man to be near me the way I really wanted him to be.  Now that I’m older, I do want a man to be in my life.  I want to experience a real relationship with a man.  I want him to pursue me, caress my face, kiss me, cuddle with me, love me, make love to me!  You know, I'd like to have that connection with the right man!

With all of this being said, Dr. Andrea and Dr. Mike are going to travel with me in hopes to bring things together for me which will bring some clarity in my life.  I also believe that my journey will help others that may be going through something quite similar.  So, my journey starts in a place I've always dreamed of visiting... the French Riviera!  Here we go beautiful people...